Bourne killer

George, our youngest son, was packing his bag for a short flight. I was reminding him about all the restrictions covering items in your hand luggage.

"Can you take keys in hand luggage?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"You could do someone a lot of damage with a key," he said. "Jason Bourne killed someone with a pen."

Bourne, in fact, could be quite a liability on aeroplanes as he turned out to be a master at killing people with everyday objects, variously dispatching assorted assassins with a pen, a rolled-up magazine and a towel across the three Bourne films.

What might be left in the Bourne armoury? A beer mat? A fluffy pink slipper? A haddock?

Absurd, I know, but not that long ago we would have thought the same of a bottle of aftershave or a shoe for heaven's sake. A few years earlier we wouldn't have balked at an umbrella but it did for Georgi Markov. It's a shame he never read Robert Ludlum.

There ain't no justice

If you have not managed to watch the drama series Criminal Justice running all this week on BBC1 get over to BBC i-player and catch up while you can. It's one of the best pieces of TV drama I have seen for a long time.

The courtroom scenes brought back a lot of unhappy memories. I have been to crown courts many times in my life as a news reporter but only once as a witness - an experience that I wouldn't want to repeat in a hurry.

The case involved the prosecution of a British Rail guard accused of assault occasioning actual bodily harm. According to the prosecution, the guard had beaten up a passenger in a darkened first class carriage because the passenger, holding a second class ticket, had refused to leave the compartment.

It was one of those old-style compartments with two rows of three seats facing each other. The passenger, a young man, had been drinking at a Christmas lunch in Leeds and had settled in the middle seat of the compartment. When instructed to leave by the guard he refused, so the guard stood over him and rained blows on his head.

The guard told the court he had been acting in self-defence, believing the passenger had possessed a knife. The jury, which had been shown pictures of the victim's badly bruised head - found the guard not guilty.

As a barrister in tonight's episode of Criminal Justice pointed out, a jury must be convinced "beyond reasonable doubt" that the accused is guilty.

A solicitor in the drama said: "I know that the vast majority of those I defend are guilty and half of them get off."

Violent attacks on rail guards are not uncommon. Violent attacks by rail guards are rare. When the guard was committed for trial in Liverpool his trade union staged a 24-hour stoppage in protest against "violence on their staff."

A problem for the prosecution was that they had just the one witness - the belligerent young man who had been attacked. I was that witness. The external bruising has long gone. Inside it's still there.

MPs save kitchen cabinet

We're desperately in need of a new kitchen so I think I'll have to become a member of parliament. MPs have just voted to retain their so-called John Lewis list with allowances for home improvements - such as £10,000 for a new kitchen - and other "essentials" like a wide screen TV (up to £750).

The problem is I'm just not sure which party to join. I suppose the obvious choice would be the Monster Raving Loony Party but, wait, the Church of the Militant Elvis Party sounds interesting.

With 26 names on the ballot paper, the Haltemprice and Howden by election, forced by the resignation of Tory MP David Davis, is fielding the largest number of candidates that anyone can remember.

This suggests to me that it is time that election deposits need to rise. If so many people are prepared to risk losing their £500 deposits, perhaps the economy is not in quite such bad shape after all.

Thinking outside the box

One day last week the postman called before I had removed the newspapers from the letter box. I get quite a lot of post, often with book packages, and he always tries to squeeze them through the opening.

This time he excelled himself, pushing the newspapers through so they were in a crumpled mess within the cage on the other side. There was a book in the post and it was so tightly wedged I had to unscrew the cage from the wall inside the garage. The newspapers were so ripped they were almost unreadable.

We have a sheltered area before the front door and a mat that always stays dry. The paper boy and previous postmen used to leave mail and newspapers there and it was much easier to open the door and pick them off the mat.

Today I saw the postman as he approached the house. "Please could you put the post on the mat in future? It's getting wedged in the box," I said.

"Sorry, we're not allowed to do that," he said.

"Doesn't the customer have a say in this?" I asked.

"And who gets the blame if it goes missing?" he said.

"Well most of it's crap so I couldn't care less," I said.

We live in a very safe area where neighbours still watch out for each other. It's not one of those London streets where people throw fish and chip wrappers over your hedge and where every second passer-by is casing the joint.

The postman told me we could collect the mail from the depot. They would love that - not having to deliver any more. Our local sub post office has just closed and some of the services have moved to a supermarket on the edge of town.

I wonder if dispensing with deliveries, replacing them with collection points in supermarket car parks perhaps, is a long term strategy of the Royal Mail? I wouldn't be surprised.

What irritates me most is the postman's response: "We're not allowed." Whatever happened to employee discretion? Who are these managers who are dictating policies to the people who do the delivery jobs day in and day out? The delivery staff are the people who should be making judgements like this. They're the ones who have to take the flack from people like me.

Yet it won't be long before I go to some winter seminar when there'll be some top Royal Mail human resources executive pacing up and down the stage talking about empowerment, engagement, performance management and "thinking outside the box." If only they would.

Link: The Royal Mail and employee health.

New perspectives

A new perspective on tower blocks. According to the BBC, the first of these moving skyscrapers, designed in Milan, is to be built in Dubai.

A note about our sponsor

I've always wanted to say that. SFL, the Cheshire-based leadership and human resources consultancy that sponsors the Donkin Life blog has changed its logo and corporate branding. I'm delighted because it has chosen colours that blend excellently with those of the blog template.

Last week I called my wife from London and told her I would be "staying at my club." for the night. I'd always wanted to say that too. All I need now to make the set is the opportunity to get in to a cab one day and tell the driver to "follow that car."

Jock rock shock

Visiting Edinburgh the other week I had the opportunity to see the Scottish Crown Jewels, including the Stone of Destiny, better known as the Stone of Scone.

The Scots are attached to their stones which made Edward I's decision to make off with the sacred Stone of Destiny as war loot in 1296 all the more spiteful. For good measure, he had it installed under the throne in Westminster Abbey.

After a 700-year interlude, the British Government decided finally that it should be returned to the Scots in 1996.

Now Alex Salmond, the Scottish First Minister, is casting doubts on its authenticity, suggesting the stone could be a fake. While there are plenty more stones in Scotland it is saddening to think that the one true stone may be somewhere else. Some think it never left Scotland - that Edward was duped by a hastily arranged substitute.

But if the real stone - on which the kings of Scotland had been crowned for 400 years - was not the stone taken to Westminster Abbey and upon which the Kings and Queens of England were crowned for 700 years, we're still talking about a substantially historical stone.

Of course, if that Westminster stone was a fake and its theft something of a sham, then it should probably belong back in England. On second thoughts, perhaps not. It only causes trouble.

The stone will be allowed back in England (the clause in the agreement allows a maximum of five days) for the coronation of the next monarch. And who will that be, I wonder? Tradition insists it should be Charles. But he might well be in to his 70s if the Queen is as long lived as her mother. One thing is certain: William will not have to wait as long as his father.